One

Well, it's been one month waiting for our referral. One down, 7-13+ to go! I've been living in a constant state of what if. 

What if it's more like 18 months?

What if something goes wrong in our personal life and messes everything up?

What if I'm not cut out to wait this long?

And it's only been ONE month!

Well, I said at the beginning that I had goals to accomplish while waiting. So here's where we are on the goals:

1. Be Healthier!

Gotta say, this could have gone better. I've been going to Weight Watchers meetings since mid-summer and have only lost 5 pounds. I have only lost about a half a pound in this month waiting. I definitely am going to have to step it up and get healthier. I need to have more energy!

2. Be more organized!

This is going well! This month I rearranged the living room to put Z's toys along the one wall and not in the middle of the floor. This has giving us a lot more room to play and work and not feel so cramped. I also cleaned the desk and organized the paperwork! 

In addition to working on the living room I also worked on the kitchen and set up some new shelving that cleaned off the counters and left me with much more usable counter space!

The next project is to clear out the upstairs storage room and move my crafting stuff in there to create a true 4th bedroom upstairs. This will definitely be documented with pictures as it will be quite the transformation!

3. Get a better budget!

Still need to work on this. Made some good strides, but still am not where I'd like to be. We did pay off one student loan this month that we've been working on 6 years now!! But we also still ate out much more than we should have and spent too much on food. This is so linked to my problems with getting healthy! New habits coming soon!

We also had to make some repairs on the house again. Ah, the joys of a 100 year old home! At least the gutter won't be leaking all winter!

4. Making more time for family!

This one is going pretty well! We've got a lot of great ideas for moving the ministry forward and had some great talks with the director of Shepherd Community Center in Indy a few weeks ago that have given us a renewed vision for what we need to do to make this ministry sustainable. Sustainable ministry = more family time! So we're excited about that. Here's some pics for you to enjoy of our family time today at the Lebanon Rail Road!

Just getting going on the train!

Z looking out the window. He loves trains!

Mama, me and Z. T wouldn't come out until Abe coerced him too. He said trains are dangerous to walk on!

On the pumpkin farm!

Z the pumpkin face!

T the pumpkin face!

Sleeping boys!

Overall, I think I've made ok progress for the first month waiting. More progress to come. More time to pass. More waiting to do. Closer and closer to Ethiopia we creep. :-)

Abe turns 30!

Today is a special day! Today, my wonderful husband turns 30!

It was almost 10 years ago that we met and became practically instant best friends. He of course liked me more initially than I liked him, but I also wasn't in the most mature part of my life then. I can't begin to thank God enough for Abe and for the life we have together and the amazing son we have. There are days when its difficult to be both husband and wife and co-workers - but the majority of time I look around at my life and I can't even imagine it being better. 

I've been watching some of the footage/media about the Occupy Wall Street protests and I have to say, I just don't get it. I'm a more liberal Christian than most people realize, but I still don't get it. On their website there is a link to a site called "We are the 99%". The website shows people holding up hand written signs declaring why they are part of the 99% of the world's poorest people. I have to tell you, this website makes me so angry. 

One of the people complains, 

"Also, after over 5 years in the workforce, not counting my retail years as a teenager, I have yet to hold one full-time job, or earn more than $22k/year."

Another, 

"I dropped out of medical school 2 years ago because I decided to be a midwife, and you can be anything you want, right?  Now, I don’t think I can afford to get another master’s degree - I’ll be lucky to get my BSN.  I can’t move in with my parents because I’m afraid of my large, homophobic (and also unemployed) brother, so I’m not sure what I’ll do when I wear out my welcome at friends’ houses."

Another,

"We live within our means, we own our cars, yet cannot accumulate much savings.  We live responsibly, and consider ourselves “citizens” and not “consumers.”  We find it troubling that living simply can still accrue so much debt."

Another,

"This was supposed to be the “American dream”.  Turns out graduating with all A’s from an Ivy League university has earned me: $15,000 in student loan debt, of which I’ve managed to pay off $5,000, unemployment and underemployment, the basic medicare offered by my state (and I’m fortunate to even have that), stress, and depression.  And I’m one of the lucky ones who’s not on the verge of hunger or homelessness—as long as my family members or I don’t get seriously sick."

This is just a sample. There are folks on there that I genuinely have compassion for. A lot of people struggling with illness that can't afford medical care - I have a deep sense of compassion for that. However, I find that my situation in life is much the same as many of these people saying they are the "99%".  If I were to write something for this webpage it would look something like this:

Husband (30) and I (28) graduated college with $92K in combined student loans. After graduation my husband had a series of three different, yet equally horrible jobs in the span of a year never finding one that paid well but didn't require awful physical labor. Finally landed a good job. My husband is a pastor, so this means he's now working two jobs for a combined 70-80 hour work week. I work from home part time for $100 a week. We live in a horrible school district and are dreading the sacrifices we will make to afford a quality education for our son. 2/3rds of our income is dependent on the generosity of others. If people stop giving to charitable organizations, we will be forced put our son in expensive day care so I can get a full time job which may or may not actually cover the costs of day care. After student loan payments and every day expenses we are unable to save any significant amount of money. 

But here's the deal. Even after debt and living pay check to pay check and worrying about fundraising in this economy and what to do about education, health care, getting ahead, not falling behind - the deal is:

I am not the 99%. I live in a world where I have luxury at my fingertips. I think a lot of these people are forgetting that our struggles are struggles we have because we want too much. We struggle and fight to get more and more stuff and in the process we worry about what we look like compared to the millionaires and corporations in this country. But the deal is, we are comparing ourselves in the wrong direction. Instead of looking up the corporate ladder and saying, "These people are the problem! Why don't I have as much as them!" We ought to be realizing that we shouldn't be fighting for ourselves. If you want to look up at those with wealth we must first look in the mirror! We are not the 99%.

(By the way, I'm not sure they can win their battle without really harming the rest of the "war")

We have to stop judging by an American standard. You may be the 99% here. But that's a skewed vision! In American we need to quit just caring only about ourselves, on every level of income. We need to realize that the world is hurting much worse than we are and begin to be thankful for what we have, use it in a way that really matters, and quit being lazy consumers just want, want, wanting more. 

I am sure by now you're asking what this has to do with Abe turning 30! Thinking about how great my life is, how awesome my husband is and how blessed I am that he was born - made me think how grateful I am that we were not born in a place with high infant mortality, with an AIDS pandemic, with destitute poverty, with the chance that we could share this amazing life together. But I also know, the people in those places are worth just as much as we are. God loves them just as much. He doesn't want them to suffer, and he doesn't want us to forget about them because we are in pursuit of some long, lost "American dream".

How I love Fall.

I love fall.

During the summer things are a bit chaotic and there is no real schedule and things just don't flow as well. We seem to be in a constant state of motion as we plan and lead mission groups all summer long. I love having the groups come and participate in our mission and it's an amazing experience to partner with people from all over the country in ministry here, but by the end of summer - I'm ready for fall!

I love when the weather cools and the neighbors get nicer and the trees turn gorgeous colors. My house is no longer a stifling 90 degrees. It's awesome!

But fall is also a reminder that things are coming to a close. Our garden is starting to really fade and we've brought in most of the plants we hope to have bear out the winter indoors. Z's birthday has come and gone and now he's this busy busy two year old with a temper and a definitely mind of his own! No more baby, pure toddler loveliness now! I am ready for a new beginning in many areas of my life and I hope that the coming year will bring that.

I am excited to see what God has in store for our family and I'm hoping beyond hoping that a miracle will happen and by this time next year we will at least have a referral of our next beautiful baby (or toddler!). I'm super excited about what God is doing in our ministry. I know I often sound a bit burnt out and tired (which is often true) but God's hand is at work in our ministry and in our community and he is using us and the people around us to truly make an impact on our little part of the world. I can't wait to see where it all goes next!

Almost awesome.

This weekend is the Street Painting festival in a nearby neighborhood. We're super excited because our '71 VW Bus was chosen for the ArtCars portion of the festival! Here's the beginning of the transformation. It should be completely finished tomorrow so I'll post an update then, but I was excited to show the progress!

The striking similarities between urban ministry and adoption.

The past few weeks I've been struggling a lot, thinking a lot about the future of our ministry here in Northside and thinking a ton (as usual) about our adoption process.

There are so many similarities between what we do in ministry here and adoption. Adoption is not the only way in which Christians are called to "defend the cause orphans" (Isaiah 1:17) As a matter of fact, I would go so far as to say adoption is actually a very small fraction of the way in which we are called to care for orphans. Often in the Bible  orphans are referred to as fatherless as opposed to simply using the word orphan. (What I'm about to say is not in any way meant to be insulting to single parents.) When I look around me, I see so many fatherless children. So many boys growing up with no male role model, just wandering the streets and trying to figure out what it means to be a man.

When I look at our world and the brokenness in it I'm left wondering what in the world can we do? I see broken homes, broken school systems, racism in our community, selfishness, greed, loneliness, violence...

And that's just on my street.

When I begin to ponder the HIV/AIDS and poverty crises happening in Africa and the famine currently in the Horn of Africa - it just all seems to much. I am currently reading There is No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene and the way in which she writes about the multi-faceted reasons for the HIV/AIDS crisis in Africa has begun to haunt me. The role that the Western world of wealth and greed has played in the deaths of so many people and the creation of millions of African orphans disgusts me.

I think the two are connected. I think that all poverty that we see in the world, be it in Africa or be it in Northside, all has the same root cause: selfishness. When I hear the arguments presented for how we ought to deal with poor both here and there I hear a lot of talk about fixing a "problem". I hear about how we need to correct people's behaviors, we need to teach people how to be more socially acceptable, we need to correct bad habits. And while that may sometimes be true - we won't ever help anyone out of poverty by looking down at them. We won't ever help the fatherless by simply attempting to correct their behavior. We won't ever be able to change a situation if we are only doing it for our good instead of for the good of the people who need help. For in the end, we must see that we all need help. We all need change.

First, we must learn to love each other. We have to learn to put others before ourselves. Only then can we step back and truly see how to help those throughout the world living in generational poverty, sickness, and loneliness. Adoption is part of that story. Adoption takes children with no home and gives them a home and a family. But it's only a tiny part. For the 1 child that is adopted there are millions more who aren't. And those millions, both here and there, need people to reach out in love and show them they are important, loved, and have purpose. We need to begin to share resources, to share relationship, to share ourselves with people around us who are hurting.

It's been a tough year for me as I'm quite discouraged often feeling like there are too few people who are truly committed to the cause of caring for the poor and fatherless. But I know that there is One who cares. And He is with us. I know there are many who feel the same, who feel alone. But we are not alone. Hallelujah.

Today is the Day.

DTE Day.

Today our dossier is on its way to Ethiopia! This means we're really here, we're really waiting to find out who our child is. Not that we haven't always been waiting. Even when we thought we had changed to a different adoption route, we hadn't really. God hadn't let us in on the secret that we've really been waiting for this child the entire time. How amazing is that?

I keep trying to imagine what my family will look like once this child is here with us. I know it'll be enough to make me crazy with waiting. But I'm posting this so that when I get feeling crazy I can come back here and see how beautiful my family is even now. I feel like I can't possibly wait any longer to meet my child, but I don't want to get so caught up in obsessing over my new child that I forget about and miss the important moments in the family I already have. I'm sure we'll have many more amazing moments in the time we'll be waiting on our new family member, I don't want to miss out on those while longing for new moments.

I can't even imagine how wonderful it will be to add a new face to our family photos. But for now, our family is still beautiful. Incomplete maybe, but beautiful none the less.

Not DTE yet, but...

I've started to plan what I'll focus on during what could end up being a very long wait for a referral. I've got a few goals in mind and I think knowing that I'm waiting on a referral could give me an all new motivation to accomplish these goals:

1. Be Healthier!

I for sure need to lose weight for several reason: I am uncomfortable in my body, I know I'm not as healthy as I could be, I hear the Ethiopian court does not like parents with "high BMI", I want to live a long time, I want to be more active and have more energy!

2. Be more organized!

I started a project to organize and declutter my house at the beginning of summer after hearing about the book Organized Simplicity by Tsh Oxenreider. I was very motivated before it got really hot and then all those consecutive weeks of 100+ degrees made my AC free home run between 86 and 90 degrees and all motivation for cleaning and organizing was lost. The plan for the winter is to get busy and get the house organized and free of useless items. If it isn't beautiful or useful it's gone! We're planning to clean out the small room upstairs we use for storage and move my sewing/crafting stuff in there and then have a true fourth bedroom for guests and use part of the bedroom as a play room for Zeke to play with some of his larger indoor toys.

I'm also going to try and organize my time better and be more productive. I've used Tsh's "Daily Docket" the past few days and it's really helped me to organize my day and to get more done, and faster! I want to be able to have more of a schedule as Zeke gets older so I'm good and disciplined before we have to make any kinds of decisions about homeschool vs. finding a good school.

3. Get a better budget!

We're doing fine financially but we have goals that we won't be able to reach with our current budget. Over the past 6 months we've slowly made some good changes but this summer we spent a lot on home improvement and I'm feeling like maybe we lost site of the goal. I know that isn't the case really, the improvements we made were mostly necessary for the safety of Zeke to be able to play around the house (fencing in the yard), but I have a real desire to meet our financial goals. We long to be free of student loan debt, so we're planning to really focus on making that happen in the next few years. It'll be a long time before we're truly free of our education debt, but it cut it back significantly would be a huge weight off our shoulders. We're so blessed to be able to have such a wonderful life and God has provided so much for us financially that it almost seems crazy to complain, as if we don't have enough when we have so much more than enough! But I want to have more so that we can be more generous with our helping of others.

4. Making more time for family!

There are several things that need to change in order for this one to happen. Some we've already done like - we've gotten rid of our cable for several reasons: saving money, saving time, saving Zeke from unnecessary evil entering his brain. It's been such a blessing to be without that distraction!

Unfortunately as a family in ministry it seems that ministry is the biggest distraction from family time. It's really difficult since Abe has to work outside the ministry in order to support us financially. So between him working and doing ministry and me with Zeke and doing ministry - connecting the three of us to do something other than ministry seems like an impossible task. There are ways in which the ministry brings us closer together since we both work together in the same place. But sometimes working together is difficult as you begin to feel like the only topic you know how to talk about is ministry!

I've been thinking so hard about this one in thinking about adding to our family and it will be vitally important to our adopted child and to Zeke to have time with both parents to bond and to feel important and loved. Some changes have to be made to make that happen. Every time I think we might be headed in the right direction - we're getting more volunteers, we might be headed towards being able to hire staff, things are slowing down in the fall season - something else happens  and we take three steps back - we lose our volunteers, our supervisors add additional responsibilities, we find more work coming out of every hiding space!

So, right now it's an adventure in figuring out what to say "Yes!" to and what to say "No." to. It seems like we're needing to pray all the time that the people around us would understand when we need to say no. And we're constantly praying that God would send more workers into this field with us!

So yeah, Those are the goals:

1. Be Healthier!
2. Be more organized! 
3. Get a better budget!
4. Making more time for family!

All four of these things play together. If I get more organized with a better budget I'm going to plan meals better and eat better and be healthier - all of which will mean more time with family! Pray for us as we work towards these goals while we wait and pray for our next baby!